Let the battle begin..........

I am writing this from the Blocker Bldg ,a kind of Octa here.
I have been here for some 2 weeks now,the land of milk and honey,but as yet I am not floored by the place.In fact I cant say that I am enjoying life here.At this point I am reminded of something that I had written when alone in my room,almost 4 years ago,one afternoon in Trichy,hardly a month into college then.
New to college and living in hostel, with all the rigours of ragging,I wondered whether it was worth it to leave home.I even wondered whether in future I would be able to reflect back with pride on the 4 years ahead.I still have the page with me,and whenever I read that it makes me laugh,for those years have been the best in my life yet,and indeed I can reflect with pride on them.I made freinds for life and became a better person.
Now I find myself with similar thoughts again.But the circumstances are changed slightly.No more am I a wide eyed young boy coping with ragging and living alone.But if I felt dejected then now I feel cynical.
For finally the Rat Race has me too.Thats what it is here,a veritable rat race-a rush to find jobs and aid,with secrecy and stealth.Once you get one,you can be the picture of magnanimity,but not till then.I do not think I will ever make freinds here-colleagues maybe ,but never freinds for everyone has their own axe to grind.
Incidentally, I too truimphed in the race,getting the post of a copy editor in the local newspaper.Ironical too that all my engineering skills and education could not get me what my avocation could-70 dollars a week for 2 days work.I am looking forward to it and hope to learn from it as well.
Again I ask myself whether it was worth it to come here leaving all my freinds behind.I was reading Paulo Coelho's "Manual of the warrior of light" in which he says there is no joy in reaching an empty paradise.True indeed, I know now.But if I feel anything at all like what I do about NITT,my time spent here would have been worthwhile.
There is a an event called Ekta in which we are asked to perform a skit, giving us a chance to have a good time and show our talents,but I didnt feel motivated at all.For me,having had the whole of Barn up in applause two years in a row, and having earned the respect of some of the most talented people at NITT,there is no drive left.I do not think I will ever be interested in extra curricular activities again.
My classes begin tommorow.The time for brooding is over,but these days that have churned out such thoughts in my mind deserve to be put down for posterity.Today I stand here straddling my past and the present.I have always thought I deserved to acheive much more academically,for modesty is hardly one of my faults:)Now I have my chance to see for myself how good am I.
But I look forward to it, for academics is the only thing that will drive me here.
Let the battle begin......................